A Losing Game
by MG12CSI16
Summary: "She was just a baby Liv." When tragedy strikes Nick discovers the ups and downs of working at SVU and the importance of leaning on his partner in a time of need.


My first SVU story. I've been lagging with the season but I finally finished today and realized one thing. I love me some Nick, especially his partnership with Olivia. And even though this is sad it was cool to get inside his head a little bit.

Reviews are loved and appreciated. :)

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**A Losing Game**

Nick wasn't sure why he was still sitting there. He was staring down at his hands that were covered in blood, the same as his shirt. The powder blue fabric stuck to his skin along with the sticky warmth. He heard footsteps but he didn't look up. He didn't want them to see him cry.

"Amaro," Olivias voice rang loud and clear in the small living room. He moved his head slightly to the left and he could see her with her hands on her hips and her mouth twisted into a frown.

"What?" the word comes out bitter and cold but she doesn't move or speak. She simply walks up and sits beside him on the cold tiled floor. His hands rested in his lap when she saw them for the first time, along with his shirt and the smear across his cheek.

"You can't blame yourself for this you know." Her words of comfort fell on deaf ears as Nick pushed himself to his feet and stomped out the door. Olivia sighed heavily and followed him into the crisp air. She caught up with him in front of his car

"She was just a baby Liv." He whispered sadly, staring blankly at the air in front of him. Looking back at the house he could hear

x-x-x-x-x-x

_"Hi," Nick turned around in his office chair to see a little brown haired girl with pigtails clutching tightly to a stuffed rabbit. Her big green eyes stared intently up at him and he couldn't help but think of his own little girl._

_"Hello. What's your name sweetheart?" The little girl smiledand gave a soft giggle._

_"Lily." Nick smiled and looked around for her mother._

_"That's a pretty name. Is your mom here Lily?" the little girl nodded and pointed to a woman seated in front of Olivia. She had a purple bruise under her eye and tears stained her cheeks. Nick stood up and took Lily's hand, leading her to Amandas desk._

_"Rollins, can you watch Lily here for a minute?" Amanda smiled and nodded, seating the little girl on her lap and talking quietly to her. Nick, satisfied Lily was in good hands, approached Olivias desk with a warm smile and pulled up a chair next to the desk._

_"What's going on here?" he asked. Olivia had a grim look on her face while she nodded toward the woman seated in front of her._

_"This is Rebecca Young, her sister convinced her to come to us when she found out Rebecca's husband had hit her during an arguement two days ago." Nick nodded slowly and cast a glance back at Lily._

_"Alright. And what about your daughter? Has he hurt her?" Rebecca's eyes flashed but she quickly shook her head._

_"No of course not. He's really not a bad man. I just came here becuase I thought you could help him." She ran a shaky hand through her hair and stood up when niether detective answered._

_"I'm sorry, this was a mistake. Lily come on!" At the mention of her name Lily jumped off Amanda's lap and ran after her mother, her stuffed rabbit dragging on the ground behind her._

_"Rebecca," Nick jogged out into the cold air, a card gripped tightly in his hand. The young woman turned around and stopped abruptly._

_"I told you, I'm not pressing charges or anything." Nick held up his hands and nodded in understanding._

_"I know, I just wanted to give you my card in case you change your mind." Rebecca seemed to relax and took the card out of Nick's open hand. He smiled softly and waved to Lily as they walked swiftly down the sidewalk._

_"Bye Nick," her cheery voice echoed through his head and he smiled for the first time that day._

x-x-x-x-x-x

"Nick," Olivias voice cut into him again and the tears fell faster. Olivias arm rested on his shoulder and instead of shrugging her off he seemed to relax under her touch.

"I knew I should have done something Liv. How stupid were we to let her walk out of the station. We _knew_ something was going on in this house and we did nothing." His voice cracked on the last word and his shoulders shook with such a force Olivia was afraid he would fall.

"There was nothing we could do Nick. Rebecca refused to file a complaint and it was out of our hands." She was pleading with him to understand but all he could hear was that giggle.

x-x-x-x-x-x

_Nick sat at his desk, feet propped up and a box of takeout in his hand. He laughed at the joke Fin had just told him and cursed when his cellphone rang. Not recognizing the number he answered it anyway._

_"Amaro," He felt his heart stop and the box began its decent to the floor. Olivia looked up with interest and watched Nick slip on his jacket with the phone pressed tightly against his ear as he ran from the building._

_"Rebecca I need you to calm down and tell me what happened. I'm on my way right now." The woman continued to sob into his ear as his foot pressed harder on the gas pedal. He watched the speedometer slowly inch forward as he twisted through the New York streets. _

_Pulling in front of the red brick building he threw the door open and drew his gun from its holster. He bounded through the front door and almost dropped his weapon when he saw the scene that had unfolded in front of him._

_Lily's tiny bloody body was in the middle of the floor with her mother sobbing over her. A man, presumably her father, was hunched in the corner with his arms wrapped around his stomach. Blood seeped through his hands and that's when Nick noticed the bloody knife beside him._

_He called for a bus and knelt down beside Rebecca, carefully taking the small body from her arms. He cradled Lily in against his chest, ignoring the salty smell of blood and the hot sticky texture as it soaked through his shirt. He could barely see the rrise and fall of her chest and almsot as soon as he saw it, it stopped._

_Her body stilled and the life left her green eyes, now glassy and staring into the distance. He heard Rebecca's screams but they were muffled. It was as if somebody struck him and he had no control of his senses. _

_Paramedics walked through the door and he felt them pry Lily's body from his arms, layingher on a gurney and covering her with a white sheet. Another few gathered around the husband and carried him out of the house. Still in shock he stayed on the floor, looking down at his emoty blood stained arms._

x-x-x-x-x-x

That had been almost an hour ago and he could still hear the screams and smell the blood. He wanted so bad to stop crying but it felt like an endless process and salty tears continued to spill over and stick to his eyelashes.

"Nick listen to me," Once again he turned his head and looked at his partner, her eyes mirroring his sadness and her hands shaking just as bad.

"It's not your fault. Sometimes we lose them and that's the hardest thing we have to deal with, especially if it's a child. It's gonna be hard but it comes with the job. And if I know anyone who can get through this and come back swinging it's you." Nick smiled briefly and met Olivia's eyes. she smiled back and opened her car door.

"Come on, we need to get your clothes to CSU, then I'll take you home." Taking a deep shaking breath Nick got in the car, resting his head against the cool glass of the window as sobs once more racked his body and the soft high pitched giggle rang in his ears for the last time.


End file.
